there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
