that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
