I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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