He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
