i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
