i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
