New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I need moral support for this bender
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize