she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
