In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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