Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Randomize
