so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Randomize
