hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
