We're like a lot better than the average bears
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize