dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
stop calling my apartment porn island.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
