they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
