i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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