I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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