Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
