Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
