hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
