my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
