Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
