well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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