Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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