I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
I think I just sharted jello shots
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