Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Randomize
