using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
