i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I did not marry a roomba.
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