So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
