I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
