Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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