She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
