I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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