He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
