She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Floor bacon is actually really good
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Randomize
