youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
