woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
