Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
