Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
