i don't like sucking hair
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Randomize
