he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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