You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize