Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
