Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
