return my video game
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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