capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Randomize
