Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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