I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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