it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
