also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
