if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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