I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
