Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
