Your tits are I can't wait for
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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