insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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