had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
