Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize