I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Randomize
