Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
