The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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