I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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