3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
i drank out of a bidet.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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