Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
