New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
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