my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
