So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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