just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
