so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Randomize
