I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Randomize
