Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Randomize
