I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
