remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
