Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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