I am puke
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
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