so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
