Well douche your snatch and let's go!
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
