Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
ok first of all what the fuck
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
